長い一日。。。

2011年5月14日
18:44

Oh God . . . I really had a heavy day. Today didn't work well. I screwed up, totally screwed up. I feel like a loser. There's a event this morning, Japanese speech contest and I got a job as Japanese traditional dancer with some friends like I mentioned before. To the point, I missed some moves in the dance, I made a mistake twice. How pity I am. I really shamed my self, I don't know why I could make that mistake so clear. I hate me! I'm ashamed! The big deal is I was the leader of that dance, I got position in the front line, exactly in the middle of another dancers. Everybody could see me so clear, and how shit I am let them saw me make that mistake. There were so many Japanese people. Anyone knows what I felt?

I know exactly human learns many things from a mistake, and a mistake can built a strong foundation of mind. A mistake teaches us to do better. But I can't run from one thing, a mistake can make me feel so devastated. My God, please forgive me, maybe I'm not good enough to deserve better. Forgive me God . . . And for the people I disappointed today 本当にごめんなさい！

Let's go to another problem, all about the people I call friends. Why are they getting so suck?! The boys started to show their ego, and as usual acted like they're so cool, talked to people trying to seeking imitated attention. And that girl, getting boring with her attitude, she always seeks for attention from seniors, tries to get closer with them, talks about her friends's mistakes, makes a-wasting-time-gossips with them, and so on. I really hate this girl. I know she sometimes is good to me. But most creepy to know her make a cluster of lie behind those hideous smiles. She acts doing good thing to me, and maybe talks behind me. What a chicken deed. Besides she really is an annoying thing. U will not be so surprised if u hear her saying that she doesn't want to join the dance practice while making a reason that she's shy, got a headache, and another shit reasons, and then one day before the shows she shouts loudly until seniors can hear her voice and says to another dancer to practice more, more, and more, asks them not to be lazy to practice the whole day because she doesn't want feel ashamed when the show is begun. What a super lame freak loser! Just be happy in ur world.

Back to the boys, one of them I hate the most because his very "nice" attitude. He always asks me to change my view about someone, I still remember what he said when there's a girl in front of us who I dislike because I heard her say something rude about artist club (I'm in) in university, "That's not good to judge someone from only one side, maybe she got own reason so that she said so. Besides she's a beautiful girl. U have to try to understand people too, really bad if u consider just u who people understand to.". Really I wanna puke that time listening to him said so, I really don't need his suggestions because I know what I'm doing. And let see what's he just done. This morning we didn't use black shocks for the dance according to plan just because he plus she didn't want to use them. Know the reason? "It's so slicky dance on the floor with them.". Oh come on, could u make a better reason? Those socks were so thick, how could them make ur foot slicky when on the floor? Then when I forced him to wear them, he with his disgusting-mood-face said, "Ok, we'll fall together because these socks, and don't blame mefor that.". Don't u know that another dancers brought u those socks while u and ur self got a couple in ur room and decided not to bring them? Don't u know there's a friend bought a new socks, spent her precious money just for the dance we're not paid for? And finally we didn't wear even one of them and u and her became so glad, besides she always supports what u want, I think u're a perfect match. Don't u know that u're so fuckin' idiot with ur damn ego! Where all ur fuckin' words about understanding people. This is so clear that u just got a big mouth at all. U're zero. Just realize ur self, donkey! I don't know how can I make a good partnership with u for the next events.